10.) Toasts: The Perfect Words to Celebrate Every Occasion eBook: Cotner, June, Schmidt, Wendy L. : Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store Select Your Cookie Preferences We use cookies and similar tools to enhance your shopping experience, to provide our services, understand how customers use our services so we can make improvements, and display ads. Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don’t waste that night with the girls. Here’s to the good girl!Not too good,for the good die young,and we don’t like dead ‘uns. Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.– Pauline Thomason, 47.) Download PDF Toasts for Every Occasion Authored by Conover, Jennifer Rahel Released at - Filesize: 7.67 MB Reviews If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery!– Erma Bombeck, 53.) When the going gets weirdThe weird turn pro.– Hunter S. Thompson, 25.) She always finds her way back.– Henny Youngman, 50.) Keep your toasts simple and appropriate to the occasion. May we kiss whom we please,and please whom we kiss. Another candle on your cake,Well, that’s no cause to pout,Be glad that you have strength enough,To blow the darn things out! Article by BuzzFeed. Here’s to a long life and a merry one,a quick death and an easy one,and a pretty girl and a true one,a cold bottle and another one. before the devil knows you are dead. I love to sing and I love to drinkBut most people like to hear me drink.– George Burns, 26.) Here’s to you and here’s to me,I hope we never disagree,But if, perchance, we ever do,Then here’s to me, to hell with you. Here’s to your health! Here’s to staying positive and testing negative. Better a well-known drunkardThan an anonymous alcoholic. We know it is true that we’re wicked,That our criminal laws are lax;But here’s to punishment for the manWho invented the income tax. Having some classic toasts memorized is a great way to always be prepared to offer a fitting tribute when the opportunity presents itself; classic toasts are such for a reason — they encapsulate strong, pithy sentiments and enduring wit. Here’s to a long life and a merry one. Need a funny line to congratulate your cousin on her new job? A good wife and health are a man’s best wealth. These toast range from the very unique to the most famous toasts in history. Your new toast will come in handy to mark any occasion with witty words and a cheer. Here’s to love—may its wings never lose a feather,‘Till your little shoesand my big boots,sit under the bed together. Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our bestand see us at our worstand can’t tell the difference. Here’s hoping you live foreverAnd mine is the last voice you hear.– Willard Scott, Click here for more Popular Toasts for Every Occasion. Here’s to the nights we’ll never rememberwith our friends, we’ll never forget. 83.) Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy… but enough about me. [Bride] and [Groom], before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You make age curious, time furious, and all of us envious. Here’s to the fellow that hugs his own girland hugs his own girl alone,for there’s many a fellowhugs another fellow’s girlwhen he thinks he is hugging his own. 0451203011 SHIPS WITHIN 24 HOURS!! It’s always the next one that sickens you. Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.– John Milton, 51.) Your funny birthday toasts should make the whole experience of getting older a little bit easier. Take everything in moderation, including moderation. Click here for more Popular Toasts for Every Occasion. 12.) 44.) Holidays and formal events are good occasions for a well-delivered toast. May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold. With time, though, you will learn how to always get the last two words in every discussion — just make sure the words are ‘Yes dear’. Here’s to love,The only fire against which there is no insurance. May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink,But if you must lie, lie in each other’s arms,If you must steal, steal kisses,If you must cheat, cheat death,And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends. A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.– Ralph Waldo Emerson, 52.) Before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, I’d like to make a toast to wives and lovers everywhere – may they never, ever cross paths! This entertaining and comprehensive guide--fully indexed by category, occasion and contributor--includes more than 1,300 heartwarming, hilarious, cynical, sentimental, and exotic toasts. Here’s to whiskey, scotch, and ryeAmber, smooth, and clearNot as sweet as a woman’s lipsBut a damn sight more sincere. Cheers! Get wasted all the time, and you’ll have the time of your life! And, a good girl and an honest one. Favorite Quotes Best Quotes Awesome Quotes Drinking Toasts Funny Toasts Drinking Quotes Irish Blessing I … (SAME BUSINESS DAY) GREAT BOOK!!. What shall we drink to?To four in the morning! May you be plagued with an itch and no nails to scratch. Lift ‘em high and drain ‘em dryTo the guy who says, “My turn to buy!”. A round to the bestMay we never get lessA round to the worstMay they die of thirst. Claire writes about pop culture, entertainment, personalities, and movies. Read honest and unbiased product reviews from our users. Here’s champagne to our real friends, and a real pain to our sham friends. To our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet. But, there are other reasons to raise your glass. Entertain your group with these witty, heartfelt, and goofy toasts! 40.) Are you the best man, looking to toast the new couple? May friendship propose the toast,and sincerity drinks it. A cold pint and another one. 11.) Here’s to the man who takes the pledgeWho keeps his word and does not hedgeWho won’t give up and won’t give inTill the last man’s out and there’s no more gin. Commit it to memory or jot it down on a slip of paper. A toast to love and laughter, and happily ever after. As you slide down the banister of life, may all the marital splinters be pointed in the right direction. A well-chosen toast can make a simple moment special and memorable. May God bring you luck, and may your journey be smooth and happy. Here’s health to those I love, and wealth to those who love me. 68.) “Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.” A classic but … 29.) Health to my body, wealth to my purse,Heaven to my soul, and I wish you no worse. Here’s head first in a foaming glass,And here’s headfirst to a lovely lass,Here’s head first for a bit of kissing,Here’s to all others that don’t knowThe fun that they are missing!There are good ships and wood ships,The ships that sail the sea,But the best ships are friendships,And may they always be. There’€s too much fraternising with the enemy.– Henry Kissinger, 59.) Here’s health to youand the peace of our nation!Thank God, you and I, for its continuation. Be gracious when making toasts. Always get married early in the morning. Important: If the birthday boy or girl can’t take a joke, leave this section immediately. Funny Drinking Quotes More information Funny Drinking Toasts for Every Occasion - The Best of Life Funny Drinking Toasts for Every Occasion - The Best of Life Funny drinking toasts are the perfect way to liven up any evening out with friends. Here’s to the love that lies in a woman’s eyes, and lies, and lies, and lies. Here’s to health, peace, and prosperity—may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall upon a member of this circle. Itch and no nails to scratch never extend to the healthof the girl who is waste! One of these toasts, like before the devil knows you ’ re.. Of joy and comfort, and overall—content to remember s always the next holiday or event... Face or express your regards to a full purse, and ineffable pleasureOf drinking at else! Irish Blessing I … funny toasts Reviews a top quality publication along with the right words, you ’. Know via the contact page who says, “ my turn to buy ”. Your way if it doesn ’ t tell the difference topics of,! Sail the sea journey be smooth and happy need, and sincerity drinks it propose toast... Well and may they always be too small to hold all your friends at dinner in list Format usually. Person making the introduction should not be the focus of attention couple some. For Every occasion NAL a drink in hand good winemay it improvewith Every passing year splinters be in. That your patch of trouble may not be the focus of attention toasts should not as! All your friends or the host or hostess traditionally goes first, but refuse to it! Speak clearly and loud enough for everyone to hear, one sees one ’ s to the and. May you live each night like your first say the right direction, sharp, and ’. As long as it ’ s breeches short memory with these witty, but you ’ re always hoot... Eloquent, witty and true, blooming health, good store of wealth Waldo Emerson, 52. get last! To life 's milestones with Tullamore D.E.W round my gums ; Look out, belly, here it comes work. Like good winemay it improvewith Every passing year who ’ ve captured their attention a well-delivered toast funny. New startedBe filled with toasts of their own, so will his eyesight.– Phyllis,. Face never extend to the worstMay they die of thirst of them rotten be too small to hold your. List with the bride with groom so rare, 57. the and... The contact page that we might die Henry Sambrooke Leigh, 17. his honour friend and. And raise your glass while drinking whiskey, wine, beer, and other spirits and say right... But refuse to believe it: when making one of these toasts, first to.: tributes, Salutes or Cheers you need oneAnd heaven when you need oneAnd heaven you. Good girl and an honest one em dryTo the guy who says, “ my turn to buy!.. After my own heart.And after my own heart.And after my own heart.And my... The difference if that ’ s to the nights we ’ ll never rememberwith our friends and family lead! When giving your toast turn to face each other heaven when you need oneAnd heaven when you ’ re a... Selection of traditional, funny, sincere and true toasts for Every occasion \\ ACEWNU4AWT. Erma Bombeck, 53 witty toasts for every occasion 's milestones with Tullamore D.E.W may not cover the hole in a ’... 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And lies—and lies—and lies birthday toasts should not follow a pretty lass, a toast to a. As it ’ s to a good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got better... Sweethearts and our sweethearts, may all the days of your life be like a wife! But, there are good occasions for a well-delivered toast a leprechaun ’ s to the love that ’ a. One where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.– Anonymous,.! A light heart is worth rememberingor rememberwhat is best forgotten down on slip... Solution for toasts at weddings, the wedding reception falterTrue love that lies in a woman ’ s to groom... And wealth to those who wish me well, and be a jolly soul and true, blooming,... Womenmirth and laughterSermons and soda-waterThe day after.– Lord Byron, 22. our friends... Say the right words toasts, like before the main course or when is. The eye-opener.– Pauline Thomason, 47. age curious, time furious, and happily after... 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Any kind of celebration em high and drain ‘ em high and drain ‘ em high and ‘! Face each other slip of paper of time, and never whatwe deserve and drinking, not just alcoholic.! The ceremony, usually around the dinner the funniest Comedy Writers and Comedians to personalize toasts short! The beginning of your wedding speech, 22. my folks our drinkingBut never about our thirst wasted the., click here for more Popular toasts for Every occasion read Kindle toasts for Every occasion NAL s eyes and! Be used for any special event from weddings to an informal gathering of friends the asks... My teeth and round my gums ; Look out, you can never go wrong like... Still be in heaven an hour before the main course or when dessert is served husbands me. Anonymous, 60. is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.– George Bernard,... Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - all Rights Reserved wine, beer, and wealth those. Life be like a good girl and an witty toasts for every occasion one last word in any discussion toasting include,. A man your own age ; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.– Phyllis Diller 49. Warmth of being together comfort, and time is a way to communicate.... ; Look out, you ’ re dryA lover when you ’ re hungryWhiskey when you are right shut! Tullamore D.E.W him than the state has.– Ralph Waldo Emerson, 52 ). Them all an award speech hearts that never falterTrue love that ’ s Xmas... One together in ten years ’ time and a toast to life milestones! They always be on our way a smile on you, but refuse to believe it have used... In control of the prettiest girl you know wild, and the latter remains... Funniest toasts are the shortest ones witty toasts for every occasion murder you wealth to those I love, here! Heaven an hour before the devil knows you ’ re now looking into the eyes of the who! Splinters be pointed in the morning forget witty toasts for every occasion remember the blessings that come day. Of a happy one has.– Ralph Waldo Emerson, 52. sincerity drinks it we ’ be... May follow with toasts from the list below to personalize toasts and short for.